It’s hard to start. I’ve been thinking for quite some time already about writing something – a blog or a journal of some sorts. And I want to collect the writings into a book – to create something…with my name on it. I am sure that if I write it, it’s going to be good – everything I’ve ever done has turned out to be of good quality. “Where’s the proof of that?” – I hear you asking me. Well, it’s quite simple – other people like what I do. And in case they don’t like it at first, I always manage to talk them into liking it…
So here I am: sitting on my couch in my underwear and a sweater, two dirty plates and a pan next to my head on the table, laptop between my legs, heater on, window slightly open to allow fresh air in, and listening to old R. Kelly songs ( I believe I can Fly, actually is playing right now). I’ve just stopped watching Mad Men on my computer. I am not going to tell you anything about the series, except one thing – it’s quite good…or at least I have convinced myself that it is worth wasting my time watching it. I like to think the theme is closely connected to what I am studying and working at the moment. I also try to see myself inside the storyline, in the shoes of one of the characters. And I also carefully observe and learn how the characters think, act, speak. Ridiculous! I really shouldn’t be thinking about what I could have done with the time I spent watching this (or any other) series. And, of course, I am not. That’s one of my greatest abilities – to switch off my mind completely and go into a state that resembles the state of bear that just finished preparing for a long spell of hibernation.
Hibernation. Every day. Same routine, with some exceptions every once and a while. I wake up, do sports, eat if I have food or I am not too lazy to prepare something, dress up, go to work, work-pretend to work-work, come back home, eat (a meal that comprises either lunch and dinner or breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time), read some articles published by supposedly qualified professionals, watch my series, go to bed, sleep… And then the same thing repeats all over again. I have to admit that weekends are slightly different – often I may wake up earlier and then nap or sleep during the day in short intervals. I love the short 30-minute naps every once and a while. Every time I fall asleep on my bed or couch for a short time and then wake up I feel as if I’m drunk. Limbs slightly numb, eyesight blurry, body temperature up, and this light and calming feeling that I have nothing to do, no worries or anything. But that lasts just a few moments. This sweet disillusionment doesn’t last long enough – a minute or less after, comes the hangover. I quickly realise that it is already six or seven in the evening – a whole day has just passed and I didn’t do anything. And I feel even more tired, bored…unhappy.
I guess realising that I didn’t do anything the whole day is my biggest disappointment. I am a man of action. I like to be active. I like things to happen around me – to witness how the world is like a living organism and look at all its essential vital processes. I like to feel the chaos of the outside world – people running all over the place, cars driving around in every direction. I like to listen to the sounds this world makes – the noise of trams passing by, people shouting and swearing at each other, dogs barking at other dogs and passers-by, all the different kind of noises that come from the buildings, and all the sounds that nature contributes to this whole musical scenery. This is very poetic…too poetic I must say…after all I don’t want this to turn into a script for a soap opera.
I have to admit I am quite amazed with the quantity of what I wrote for the past 20 or so minutes. They say that starting is the hardest part when one wants to write something. Well, people might be right – just scrolling up the page and reading through this text, I have to admit that it wasn’t all that hard. I gave it a go and it just happened so that I wrote a whole page already, much more than I have expected to have before I began. And I guess now is also the time to think about a plan or a schedule in order to maintain this blog regularly and add content frequently. I can set up a personal quota for words, paragraphs, pages, letters, etc… But I will not do that. This is a spontaneous thing. I write now because it just felt right at the time. Maybe tomorrow I will write something new or maybe in a week’s time or it might happen so that I feel like writing again if I wake up in the middle of the night tonight. I like to keep it that way – spontaneous. In a way I am giving expression to my creative side with this blog. This will be the place to do so – no restrictions or planning – just random thoughts on everyday life…my own thoughts, to be precise, on the things that I want to write about.
There’s just one final thing I’d like to add before I finish this post. You might have gotten the impression that this is another whining negative wanna-be writer who has nothing better to do…well you are completely wrong if you have made this assumption. It’s quite possible you don’t know me yet and I have to tell you now that I am a really positive person, looking at the big picture (reflecting on the past and thinking of the future in order to make the most of the present), appreciating everything I’ve got and most of all – everyone that has been part of my life. And as I’ve mentioned already – this is a spontaneous piece of writing…and not necessarily true. So expect everything…and think of this as fiction writing based on everyday real-life happenings.